In a world where love comes in all shapes, sizes, and situations, here’s a guide for those who prefer borrowing over buying. We’re talking about Borrowing A Wife, because why lock yourself into a lifetime commitment when you can enjoy some lighthearted companionship? So, sit back, relax, and let’s dive into the art of Borrowing A Wife.
Picture this: It’s 2020, right before the pandemic hit, and you’re at a lively house party. A stunning woman approaches you and asks if you’re having a good time. You’re so taken aback that you almost choke on your spicy chicken wing, but you manage to nod and reply with a grin. Her smile is enchanting, and before you know it, you’ve engaged in a delightful conversation that lasts for 15 minutes. You’re feeling yourself and believe that you’re hotter than Ghana’s Jollof Rice. You lay on her those sexy and charming one-liners and she tosses her head back in laughter.
Now you’re mentally playing in your head the next series of dates and you imagine what her skin feels like laid across your bed.
You Are Pumped.
She gestures to leave and you know you have to see her again. You go in for the closing. Her phone number perhaps. But you hear the words as though as if it were a prickly thorn: “I’m married.” You shrub it off because your heart doesn’t feel crushed enough to let go of the pursuit.
What do you do?
Are you bold enough to try to win her over?
Do you take on the challenge to make her yours?
Well, this article is for the dreamers, the innovators, and more or less it is for the cheaters and the ones that think Karma doesn’t exist.
Now what’s the difference between Borrowing A Wife and having a mistress? Details, details…my quizzical friend. So here are some rules to always remember as you pursue your conquest.
- With So Many Wives. Choose Wisely. I know it sounds wrong even reading this but I get it. It never crossed your mind before or perhaps it did and you kicked it out of your thoughts quicker than bedbugs in your bed. But if you are going to borrow a wife then choose wisely. The last thing you need is someone who will leach onto you like UV rays at the beach. You may think you won the jackpot in borrowing a wife but only to find out the husband wants to throw in a 10-piece pot set to ensure you don’t return her. And in case you do inherit a burden immediately. STOP. Don’t Pass Go and Collect…Read: How to Get Rid of My Borrowed Wife Pronto.
- Time Limits. Game of Thrones had 8 seasons and a finale nearly the entire world demanded a rewrite. In other words, set time limits. Doesn’t your library book have a return date? While you can’t physically stamp your borrowed wife’s ass with a return-to-sender date, keep in mind that she’s not yours from the get-go. All good things must come to an end including the Fast and Furious Dynasty. Just enjoy it while it lasts. Remember: Anything more than 10 months will constitute automatic wifey status in some states.
- Are You Dumb or Are You Stupid? Okay, that may seem harsh but here’s a little nursery rhyme I heard:
- There was once a man who saw his borrowed wife’s husband in the barbershop
- So full of himself indeed
- That he confronted the husband.
- Oh yes, he did!
- Well, needless to say, he left the barbershop
- With half a fade and two black eyes.
- But in the end, the man learned a valuable lesson,
- Now, oh so wise,
- To close his mouth or get more black eyes!
- Don’t Poke The Bear. In case the nursery rhyme went over your head. Don’t Feed, or Poke The Bear aka Don’t Confront The Husband. And especially if you know he can mop your ass on the barbershop floor. But if he knows and still does nothing. Refer to bullet 1.
- Be Yourself: That’s A Lie… Unless You Have A Real Eggplant Emoji. Obtaining a Borrowed Wife entails more than just money and status. You betta know how to lay pipe like Rockefeller did during the Industrial Revolution. Yeah, sure charisma and looks are appealing but if she is going to risk it all it better be something that she is not getting anywhere else.
- You’re So Vain: It’s not about you. Yeah, you think it is. You beat your chest like, yeah I got myself a chick with no strings attached. But try showing a little bit of attention to her needs. Appeal to your Borrowed wife’s needs. Is she looking for companionship, communication, or assistance in her entrepreneurial ventures? Interest showed more appreciation. Remember that like the 13th commandment.
- Accommodating Your Borrowed Wife. Get a sofa, a love seat a settee with deep cushions, a subscription to Netflix, and a case of her favorite wine. Remember this 14th commandment. Comfort equals more visits.
- Appeal To Her Playful and Spiritual Side. It is supposed to be fun. So make it that way. Appeal to her playful side and you’ll have a great time as well.
- Embrace Family. If your companion has children, show genuine interest in them. Nothing warms a woman’s heart more than a man who cares about her kids. You’ll earn extra points without even passing “Go.”
- Most Importantly Guard Your Heart. if you ever doubt the power of love, remember wars and religions were created out of love. I get it. Shit happens. You got used to her side of the bed. She taught you to sort your laundry and gave you great stock picks. You’re wondering, how can I end this now? Not to mention you’ve called out Jesus’ name more times than all your combined Christian Sunday school education. Now you’re sitting in the dark, clutching your bedroom pillow, listening to Maxwell’s songs. You regularly check her WhatsApp status just to see what’s happening in her life. On her regular shopping sprees, you hang out in the parking lot hoping to get a glimpse of her. Now Pu$$y whipped, what do you do? Tune in to our next series: Hold on Soldier and Stay tuned for the next and last article in this series: What To Do When You’re Ass Whipped in Love and Your Borrowed Wife Is Not Leaving Her Husband.