I have a bunch of entertaining aunties—five to be exact. Well, make that eleven if we’re counting the entourage from my mother’s side. But let me tell you, every Thanksgiving, it’s the squad from my father’s lineage that steals the show. These ladies don’t bring dishes to the table; they bring a whole aura of fabulousness.
Prep time the night before Thanksgiving is like a Netflix series starring none other than Momma. She kicks off the first episode with her classic line, “You know your sisters take advantage of you because you’re a gourmet chef. They’re out here hoping for an older brother who…” Daddy, the protagonist, rolls his eyes and nudges me without missing a beat.
“Hey baby girl, peel the potatoes, I need to run to the market for more onions.”
“Okay, Daddy.” I relish this time with my dad. I hop off the stool to embrace another sous chef assignment.
While he’s on his onion quest, the plot unfolds with momma on speed-dial with Aunt Letta. In a mere ten minutes, she’s hosting a sisterly conference call, with Aunt Tammie on the line. As much as I love being my dad’s kitchen sidekick, there’s a certain guilty pleasure in eavesdropping on Momma’s sisterly conspiracies about Daddy’s sisters. I try to absorb as much juicy intel as possible without looking the interested. Its a routine call, I know too well. She begins with daddy’s oldest sister.
GRACE
Grace is twice divorced and dating a man according to mommy’s intel hasn’t even finished college yet.
LATASHA
There’s Latasha, who momma said only dates men who are retired so that she can cash out before the men die.
NANCY
Then there’s Nancy, which momma said was supposed to be the redemer of amongst the five. She graduated Harvard Law School but instead of practicing law, devotes her time to her fashion blog.
BEATRICIA
Beatricia, who…this must be juicy. Momma now holds her mouth in awkward shocked and disgusted frozen pose. She repeats the words again throguh the phone: “An Only Fans page.,.. OMG.. Wait until I tell David this. No freakin way.” I stare way too long and gets up to leave the kitchen.
Jennifer
And lastly, Jennifer the youngest and my favorite aunt. She brings me lipglosses and all sorts of girlie things I like. Mommy likes her too. So much so that she tries to intervene in her dating relationships. Momma would say every time she saw her, “You know Elliott always ask about you. It wouldnt hurt to give him a call,” momma said. In which Jennifer would reply, “Elliott has accepted that I am a Lesbian. I wish you would too.”
