Inspired by Kandee Shoes
So, you stumbled upon this post and thought, “WTF?” Hold onto your heart, because we’re about to dive into the world of borrowing a wife! What’s the difference between this and having a mistress, you ask? Well, it’s all in the details, my friend, and I’ll leave those details to your imagination.
Let’s set the scene: You’ve met someone and surprise, she’s married. Does that deter you? Maybe, maybe not. You’re intrigued, but you’re not sure if you want to commit to making her yours.
Here are 10 steps to follow in How to ‘Borrow’ a Wife:
1. Find a Borrowable Wife: You may think this is a hard task but trust me it isn’t. There are probably more wives looking for this arrangement than single women looking for husbands. But, beware, make sure she won’t cling to you like UV rays at the beach. Nobody wants to think they’re borrowing a wife and end up inheriting a 10-piece pot set just so her husband can get rid of her. If you do find yourself in such a predicament, check out my next article in this series: “How to Get Rid of My Borrowed Wife.”
2. Rules of Engagement: Engage in small talk and secretly establish a time limit for this arrangement. She doesn’t need to know, but I’d suggest no more than 4 months. Anything beyond that might accidentally turn you into automatic wifey in some states!
3. Don’t Poke the Bear: It should go without saying, but don’t tell or confront the husband. Remember, you’re not married to him; she is. Stay in your lane and out of husband-and-wife matters. We all know some men can be territorial. If he somehow finds out and is okay with it, refer to bullet 1 immediately.
4. Money Is Everything Sometimes: Money can sweeten the deal, but it’s not necessary. Use your charisma and looks to keep her interested. Hopefully, you have ‘other muscular qualities’ that will entice her into this arrangement. If you’re lacking in the funds, personality, charisma, and genetically endowed department, check out my post: “How to Get My Shit Together When I Got Nothing Else Going For Me.”
5. It’s Her, Not You: Remember, it’s not about you. Focus on her needs, and you’ll get everything you want. Cater to your borrowed wife’s desires. Is she looking for companionship, communication, or assistance in her entrepreneurial ventures? Show interest, and you’ll earn that 13th commandment: appreciation.
6. You Had Me at Silk Sheets: Make your place inviting for your borrowed wife. Get aromatic candles, a settee with deep cushions, silk sheets and pillowcases, a Netflix subscription, and a case of her favorite wine. This is the 14th commandment: Comfort equals more visits.
7. Play and Pray: Appeal to her playful and spiritual side. Attend prayer meetings – trust me roll with it, go to amusement parks, bowling, and whatever you do, don’t let things get boring!
8. Children Make the World Go Round: If she has kids, here’s a big one. Women love it when a man takes a sincere interest in her children. Remember the 13th commandment.
9. Don’t Drink the Kool-Aid: For those who casually glance over this post instead of reading it: What I mean to say is, DON’T FALL IN LOVE. Don’t lose sight of your objective, or you might find your heart locked away in her purse, listening to Maxwell’s songs and stalking her WhatsApp status. If you do find yourself in this predicament, stay tuned for my next and final post in this series: “What to do When You’re in Love with Your Borrowed Wife And She is Not Leaving Her Husband.”
10. Intrigued. Now Read the full book: The Borrowed Wife
